Dementia
The bottom line is:
"Once a man, twice a child."
The Greeks have a fantastic legend called Nemesis. Basically it posits that you run and leave your past. This is not indefinite for one day your past catches up with you, proving that every action has a consequence. This is called your Nemesis.
Imagine losing 50-60 years of all the knowledge you have learned. Of all the known illnesses, it has suddenly been realised that Dementia is the least researched area. Without discussing the lack of money in the deficit pension black hole, the government knows that we have a ticking time bomb on our hands as more and more people are living longer. Length in life, limited research, comes at an expense. The cost of care verses the rate of people succumbing to dementia is alarming.
Allow me to present my Father in law:
He has had dementia for about 5 years now. I randomly asked him these questions which ordinarily he struggles to answer. Today is a good day. During the summer the condition is worse. He gets very frustrated with not being able to go where he wants, whenever he wants. His long term memory is ok. He frequently mentions names of places and people from his childhood days as if they are present here and now. It is his short term memory that is malfunctioning. He is at the stage where his memory for recognizing things has completely taken over,whereas his memory for recalling things is almost dead. (Recall memory is obtained through learning, involving some combination of practice, memorisation and application. On the other hand recognition memory is learned through exposure of our senses and does not necessarily involve any memory of origin, context or relevance)
Herein lies the problem. You dare not leave the front door unlocked. You do not leave any keys lying around. He cannot be left alone as he prone to forget what has happened within the last 10 minutes. He will ask for his wife every 10 minutes. After 10 minutes of missing her, if she is not present or in another room in the house, he will turn over everything until he finds her. For which it is very tiring for her to have him around her every minute of the day.
Further, conversation is limiting because he forgets what he discussed 10 minutes earlier. He is as dependent as our small children (it can be very testing if you have to look after small children under the age of 10 and older people at the same time. Small children do as they are told whereas older people just stubbornly follow their own mind and are more than willing to waste time in arguing with you, as well as waste time because they simply cannot hurry up. Don't expect much sympathy from your place of work, as in my experience the laws have not changed to reflect the double circumstance).
When we go out you have to constantly watch him as he will wander off within split seconds, again looking for his wife. Crowded environments such as shopping centres can be disastrous. Fortunately we live in a Borough that is investing some research in dementia. Therefore we receive some help.
The main point is, of course it is very tiring for all of us involved, however, we technically have it light compared to others. He can still walk and just about go to the toilet. My mother in-law is his main carer. I am in constant amazement at the energy of my mother in law who has been married to him for over 45 years. If this is not love, then I need a new definition. His neighbours who have lived in the same street for over 30 years have been extremely helpful, alerting us when he has managed to slip out of the house and walked off down the road. Many dementia sufferers blow into full Alzheimer’s. Loss of memory and loss of basic body functions. For people who have to deal with this, it is a painful experience even leading to loss of dignity if not loved or adequately provided for.
So why am I writing about it? What happens if you were not a kind loving person in the past? What happens if you have an unstable life where you are always moving around? What happens if you have not enjoyed the ubiquitous stable relationship we crave? What happens if you find it hard to commit?
In the old peoples centres I visit, you can tell who were the nasty characters in life. It does not mean that these people were unsuccessful. On the contrary, many had powerful positions and made good money. With all that success, unfortunately they forgot to practice kindness and end up lonely in a home. They are quite vicious in behaviour and hardly anyone drops in to visit them. It is so sad.
While we are young, find the right kind of accommodation that can house our older ones as well as our own offspring comfortably (leads to less feeling of intrusion by all if we can claim our own quiet corner). Make your peace with family members, for if the responsibility falls on you it can certainly be a time for testing. I am not convinced that my community is fully prepared. We are living in times when people find it hard to COMMIT to one person, one family. Trust me, if we cannot get this small thing right, imagine how difficult our situation is when most of our families are now spread out and slightly dysfunctional. Something we rarely talk about in Barbers shops, yet it is creeping upon us like a nasty viral disease. Particularly, as statistically, in the western world, due to reverse birth rate, there are more older people than young people in this country.
Finally when at work, stick to and spread your assets. If you are fortunate not to have incapacitated older ones to look after, negotiate time in the day for yourself, minimise the need to recall information from memory whenever possible. Practise making decisions from recognition. For when your mind/memory goes, whether it is recall or recognition, it has gone.
When conditions are right we can really enjoy a good laugh. It does not take much to build this into our lives.
Check out one of my friends, the comedian Felix Dexter in the Real McCoy show during the 90s. As far as growing up is concerned these clips by Felix and the rest of the Real McCoy crew were revolutionary as we rarely see great creativity like this on mainstream TV today. But then thats another blog! : )